With all of the craziness surrounding Baby #2, I completely missed your 30 week mark yesterday. That really hurts me, that I'm so caught up in the anxiety of this new pregnancy that I didn't even stop for a moment to remember you, my first baby.
I'm so sorry, Max. I miss you so much and I wish that you had stayed with me and that this new baby never had to be imagined, much less conceived and worried over in your place. I'm sorry that you've been put on the back burner right now and that your mommy isn't taking care of you in the only way that she can, by remembering you. I'm sorry that I am such a disappointment as a mom.
I wish I could leave this awful life and come to live with you. I can't come close to enjoying this current baby, can't even picture it as a real baby most of the time, you seem like my only child and I feel like I am losing you over and over again. It hurts so bad to lose you again.
I miss you, Max. I wish I could get my way in this, and have you with me, here or there. My heart yearns for that, especially on these days that I am so broken by fear and anguish. Please don't hate me. I love you so much.