Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I would have had a one year old today!

Happy would-have-been earthly birthday to my Max, who would have been one year old today. How quickly time flies.

I bet that you are having a much more rocking birthday party in heaven than I ever could have given you here, but I wish I could be there to see it! Glad to know that you are having a perfect day. :)

Love,
Mommy

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Happy third anniversary, darling!

Happy third anniversary to my darling Jonathan, the sweetest husband ever! I am so thankful for him and I wanted to list the ways:
1. You make me smile just by being in the room, and make me laugh with everything you say!
2. You know me better than anyone else (except God), and you still like me!
3. You are so considerate of me, and always thinking about what will make my life easier. You gave me your nice, new car for my old, dented van when you realized that I needed a reliable air conditioner!
4. You watch my shows with me (ahem, Bachelorette and Kate Plus Eight) and don't complain. In fact, for my sake, you pretend that you care! You go... See More shopping with me and carry my bags and my purse and try to give me opinions on things that you don't care about.
5. You would never forget our anniversary or my birthday. You make them both so special for me.
6. You always see the cup as half full and remind me of my blessings when I need it the most.
7. You clean the kitchen for me every night without me asking you to and without any complaining, even though you had a long day at work.
8. You keep our home at peace; even when I am upset, you never fight back.
9. You work hard every day to take care of our family, but you never come home with a bad attitude, even though I know there are hard days.
10. You are constantly overlooking what you want for what I want. You are generous to me with everything you have.

Forgot to post on Friday :)

I guess my follicle just needed a day off because Friday it had grown to 18.0 mm and we triggered that evening.... so all done with shots for this month! (And hopefully for a long time, if I conceived!)

It seems like the conditions were perfect for conception, so it is up to God to decide whether I am going to conceive this month or not. Isn't it wonderful that although we don't know our future, we can trust in the One who does? Whether I am pregnant or not, praise to Him for an easy month of fertility treatments.

"For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."
-Lamentations 3:31-33

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Taking a break?

Today I needed to sleep post-appointment so that I could get back to myself...

...but here's the update: my uterine lining looked perfect - "triple stripes," which apparently is what you want a baby to implant into.

Oddly, neither follicle had grown since yesterday - still 15.8 and 12.4mm. So, I'm praying that that just meant the eggs inside were maturing rather than wasting energy on simply growing. Or maybe they just took a break because of the yucky weather yesterday and didn't want to work so much.

I appreciate all of your prayers. I know God is hearing them and letting us give this whole pregnancy thing the best chance it's got!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Happy 18 months in heaven, Max!

One more post today, since I happened to notice that today is the 18 month anniversary of Max's heavenly birthday! What a journey the past 18 months have been, and how privileged am I to have a son who is in front of the King worshipping Him forever. I can't wait to sing this song with you to our Father's face!

The Revelation Song by Phillips, Craig and Dean
Worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy is He
I sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You!
Yeah!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Yeah!

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah!

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come,
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore you!

And again!

Everything looked great today - oddly (for me), I am very close to ovulating, and only on CD8! I have one egg that is 15.8mm and one that is 12.4mm. (18mm or greater will usually ovulate...) I may be ready to ovulate tomorrow, so they are probably going to want me back in again then. If I'm not ready tomorrow, then I will most certainly be ready by Friday. I think I would prefer not being ready until Friday because I want those eggs to have another day to mature! (Just because a follicle is large enough to ovulate doesn't necessarily mean that the egg inside is mature.) Plus, I'd love to have two eggs ovulating and not just one... increase my chances of pregnancy and maybe twins. Which would be great since we don't know where my fertility will be a year from now!

I'm feeling very upbeat today - I am so thankful for your prayers and for knowing that my joy is not based on a happy report (although that is always a nice blessing!), but on the salvation that I have in Jesus Christ.

I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

Monday, June 7, 2010

Perfect? Moi?

I heard a word from my RE today that I have never heard him say before: perfect. As in, "Everything looks perfect."

Hooray!

I haven't heard back from the nurse yet about my E2 (estradiol) levels, but I currently have two or three follicles that are growing (I guess the two were a little more advanced than the third, but it might catch up) and my lining is already at 5.6 mm on day 6 (compared to two months ago when it was only 5 mm on day 9!).

Perfect!

Three self-administered shots down, two more before my next appointment.

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:10

(I wanted to end this post the same way as the last because, well, it just fits.)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Good and Bad

So, there's good news and bad news. (I am really forcing myself to look on the bright side. Right now, it just seems like bad news to me. I have to keep telling myself that it could be worse.)

Good news: I had 4 follicles on my right ovary and 2 on my left today. I am starting Bravelle this evening.
Bad news: with so few follicles, I am very unlikely to respond well to the drugs that I am taking (and paying $50 per dose for).

More good news: at least we are only aiming for 1-2 mature follicles (unlike IVF, where you really want a lot). I seem to still be getting one every month.
More bad news: We won't be doing IVF ever (with my eggs), it looks like. If I am a bad candidate now, I can't imagine what I would be a year from now, once we were actually able to save up our money!

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:10

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

May it be said of me...

"Lord, I am willing to-
Receive what you give,
Lack what you withhold,
Relinquish what you take."
-Anonymous

Am I willing to receive suffering and grief?
Am I willing to lack living children?
Am I willing to relinquish another child to Him?

Would I be more willing if I could make my heart understand that He alone is the giver of good things (Luke 11:9-13, James 1:17) and that my trials are joy, because they are creating perseverance in me (James 1:2-4)?

These and many more questions on my heart today as I start on the first round of injectible treatments.