I had my first appointment with my sweet nurse, Nicole, today. I guess she would have normally put this off for after the ultrasound tomorrow, but she forgot, and since I was already there, we decided just to do it.
We didn't discuss much because the ultrasound last week made me look earlier than I thought I was, so we can't be sure about dates yet. That means we couldn't discuss when the First Look would be scheduled for (especially since we're moving in early June) or when I was due, etc. They did take blood and urine for a CBC (blood count to check if I'm anemic), hCG levels (to clarify things tomorrow if they're not looking good), and urine analysis, to make sure I don't have any infections.
For the ultrasound tomorrow, she told me that they won't let me leave if it's bad news (Well, I actually know that they will eventually let me leave; they'll just want to talk to the on-call Ob/Gyn and set up an appointment first. Luckily, I have experience in these things already or I might have been worried!). That means that tomorrow morning, no news is probably not good news. If everything's fine, I expect to be at work by 8:30 or 8:45 at the latest (hopefully I don't say that and then get stuck in awful traffic tomorrow and then make you all worry if I don't post by 8:45 am!). If not, you'll know how to pray.
Now to catch up on the busy weekend.
Friday I stayed home from work because I woke up with a severe cramp in my lower back. That is usually a precursor to awful side cramps for me, so I thought the end was near, which is why I stayed home. It turned out that the back cramp never developed into anything worse and was gone by 10 am, which means it was probably a product of sleeping poorly or maybe even the new exercise program I started the night before (Pilates for Pregnancy - I was already doing Pilates for Non-Pregnancy before I switched over). I also had no spotting, so I don't think this was an attempted miscarriage gone awry. Anyhow, it ended up being a great day, especially since I thought it was going to be such an awful day!
Saturday was a nice day off... We woke up early (I have no idea why pregnancy makes me less sleepy, in that I sleep less hours.) and went to the grocery store early, and then I got to hang out with my awesome friend, Kate, who lives in NJ currently. We spent a few hours together and are planning a trip to Annapolis for sometime in June or July after we move down there!
Sunday was an amazing day. First, JOHN PIPER preached the sermon at my church. A. Maz. Ing. I've never heard him preach live before, and I almost missed out on that again (when we got to church 3 minutes late from our Sunday School class - gotta love those parents who DON'T PICK UP THEIR KIDS) because there weren't any seats left in the sanctuary that we could find! My sweet husband sent me up from the overflow room to try again, and I got a seat really close in the front right part of the sanctuary - it was perfect! After the service I got to shake his hand.... That was really cool. I was walking on cloud nine the rest of the day. I almost told him "I love you," when I shook his hand, but I stopped myself from looking like a freak and just said, "Thank you!" After service we had a cookout at Bill and Jen's house for life group and then got to discuss part of The Dangerous Duty of Delight - what a John Piper-filled day!
Like I said yesterday, Monday was a Massachusetts-made up holiday ("Patriot's Day"), so no work. Woohoo for the four day weekend! I actually slept until 10:30, which meant I skipped most of the morning sickness for the day, and had a relaxed day in which I read two books, one magazine, played half a game of Civ IV saw two episodes of Gilmore Girls, and the new 24 episode. Lovely, lazy day.
I didn't sleep perfectly last night, but I did pretty well considering that I thought I would be up all night worrying. I think I realized how quickly Wednesday was coming up (I really didn't think about it most of the weekend, just last night) and got a bit freaked out. But now I'm okay, I'm holding my breath again (not literally, just emotionally). I would swear from my pregnancy symptoms and their increasing intensity and frequency that I must still be pregnant, and getting more pregnant, but there's that doubt in my mind because even with Max I still felt pregnant the whole time he was gone. My hCG levels with him never went down until after the (induced) miscarriage, so I never got less pregnant. I won't get the hCG level from today back until after the ultrasound tomorrow, so I don't have that to look at.
Remember to pray for Stellan today, and if you want, please pray for me, too. I just want to have peace no matter what happens tomorrow, and I'm really trying to keep myself positive right now (which is hard for an avowed pessimist).
Stay with me, baby! You can do it!