Thursday, April 2, 2009

4w, 3d: Whom shall I fear?

UPDATE: More spotting this afternoon - not much and it's still brown. Nerve-wracking.

You guys are right - brown spotting doesn't mean the end of a pregnancy. What threw me off was the fever I had the night before (and reading all about how if it doesn't cause a miscarriage, at least it will completely mess up your baby's brain/nervous system) and how fast that brown spotting happened. I'm perhaps prematurely freaking out because, well, miscarriage is all that I know, and also because I told God on Tuesday night (with the fever) - Lord, if you are going to take this baby from me, take him or her now, so that I don't have as long to create as strong of a bond and therefore be more brokenhearted. BUT, I rethought that the second that blood showed up yesterday.

I believe the ectopic was mentioned because of the fever + bleeding. I mean, they are required to be extra careful, considering that is a very serious condition. I'm pretty sure that the fever and bleeding weren't actually connected, now that I think about it more, and were just some bizarre coincidences. The nurses I saw/talked to yesterday were not very encouraging, but they certainly did mention the possibility of this just being implantation spotting.

Praise the Lord, I haven't had more than a drop of spotting since 11:30 am yesterday, although I did have some AF-like cramping all day yesterday. I know that can be normal early in a pregnancy, so I tried not to worry about it too much. "Too much" being the key phrase there.

Here's a beautifully clear pregnancy test I took this morning. It doesn't clear matters up (I know I was pregnant at some point, it's just a matter of whether the numbers are still doubling), but it does leave me with a little more hope than I had yesterday.

Thank you all so very much for your prayers. I don't have news for you yet (that won't come until tomorrow afternoon), but I want you to know that since I asked you all to pray for me yesterday I have felt such a peace that I was not feeling before then. I was literally frantic in the shuttle over to the hospital, crying in the waiting rooms, scared to death during my appointment with the nurse practioner (I think the Ob/Gyn office fears dealing with me, really), but I haven't excessively worried since then - a miracle for my mind.

My fever broke last night, thank the Lord. I didn't know how long I would be taking Tylenol to suppress it. In fact, I tried to stop yesterday afternoon, when it had come down to 98.4, but it flew up to 101 before I knew it, which had me popping more Tylenol, holding cold compresses to my head and wrists, stripping down and lying in front of the air conditioner - I stopped short of forcing myself into an ice bath, but you get the picture. I am so thankful not to add that to my running list of things to be concerned about any more.

If you go back into the archives, you'll see that I just posted a bunch of posts that I was holding out on until I told you all I was pregnant. Since I broke that news yesterday, you might as well read the posts, right? Anything new (and pregnancy related) starts with "_w, _d:"


Jessie said...

I hope I didn't come across as dimissive of your fears yeterday. It's hard to be positive after dealing with a miscarriage in the past. I remember at the beginning of my 3rd pregnancy (with the twins), that I wrote in my journal that how I feel about the pregnancy isn't going to change its outcome. It's in God's hands whether I'm positive, pessimistic, guarded, cautiously optimistic, etc. So however you're feeling, just go with it.

Not sure if you got your first beta number or if you'll just get them both on Friday. I'm really not trying to be a "hope" pusher, but my betas with the twins didn't double in 48 hours. In fact, the doubling time was 62 hours. I was freaked out, but my RE said a doubling time within 48-72 hours is considered normal.

You and the baby are in my prayers!

Crysi said...

Thinking of you and sending you stick baby dust. You getting pregnant this cycle reminds me greatly of how my pregnancy started. I thought so sure we completely missed the egg and there was no way. Whoops. :) Guess it really does happen when you least expect it.

Don't know anything about the beta numbers because I've never done that. They didn't take my blood with Adia or the twins until I was 11 weeks. They've been very nonchalant through the whole pregnancy and both times I've been high risk.

Anonymous said...

:-O you held out on us. hehe j/k. I really, really hope this goes well for you, Abbie. I'll definitely keep praying for you and the baby.