Sometimes I think I am ready to go back to my Babycenter birth group and check in on everyone, as I did today. But it just hurts so bad. Everyone is starting to find out the gender of their babies (they're at the 17 week mark now), and I just want to be there so much. I should have my big ultrasound next week, January 20. I should have a belly that I can show off at work. I should have a BABY. But my belly and arms are empty, and that is so hard. I just want to try again now, to cover up these feelings and let myself be happy again. Why don't I get the happy ending that most everyone else does? Why did this happen to me? I want my sweet Max back.