Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I am hurting today.

Sometimes I think I am ready to go back to my Babycenter birth group and check in on everyone, as I did today. But it just hurts so bad. Everyone is starting to find out the gender of their babies (they're at the 17 week mark now), and I just want to be there so much. I should have my big ultrasound next week, January 20. I should have a belly that I can show off at work. I should have a BABY. But my belly and arms are empty, and that is so hard. I just want to try again now, to cover up these feelings and let myself be happy again. Why don't I get the happy ending that most everyone else does? Why did this happen to me? I want my sweet Max back.

4 comments:

Megan said...

I'm so sorry. It was very brave of you to face that group. I'm sure I could not have done it.

Melanie said...

Abbie... I agree with Megan! Wow girl I wouldn't of been able to face that group! I know that feeling all too well and I still feel it after 9 months of losing Nehemiah. Your in my prayers! Keep praying for peace and His comfort!

Elizabeth said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you struggle.. A friend announced last week that she's due the SAME day that we were to be due. I struggled to be happy for them (of course I am) while not showing the intense pain tnat it brought out. There are better days ahead in your struggle, and I'll pray that God gets you there in his time.

Christina said...

I relate to what you're saying so much. I miscarried my baby early this week, and it just hurts so much. I hope you recover soon and the pain of losing the baby starts to recede soon.