Monday, January 5, 2009

Back from Christmas break

I had another quant HCG today (well, I thought it was supposed to be a quant HCG, but the lady took an awful lot of blood for just that test, so we'll see...). I'll let you all know what those results are when they get back. I'm praying so hard that I am down to 0, and not stuck in the land of 10-30 that I hear so many people get frozen in for weeks and weeks. As much as I hate AF (Aunt Flo, for those of you who are not into the online baby bulletin board communities), I would like her to come in a timely manner this cycle so that I can have one down, one to go before we can try again.

Wow, as much as I was dreading talking to people about my miscarriage, it was very strange to have so very few people mention it. I'm thankful for my mom and all of my aunts who cried with me, for my cousin Amy who got me such a sweet present, for Jonathan's two grandmothers who were so kind in their caring for me, Jonathan's mom Beth, and their family friend, Mrs. McLean.

My two favorite presents were figurines to remind me of Max. This Willow Tree figurine, "Angel's Embrace," was from my cousin Amy.

My mama also got me a beautiful Precious Moments figure, "Safe in the Arms of Jesus."Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the world who sees Max as a person, someone who did live, even if only for a few weeks, and that is very hard to take. As a mother, I want my child to be recognized as someone who mattered, who made a difference. He certainly has made a difference to me, and I know that I will never be able to take a day of being pregnant for granted again. Thank you, Max, for that.

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