Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Today is Tuesday. Tuesday is the day on which I should be one week closer to holding my baby. But I am no longer pregnant, so I can't say that we hit 13 weeks today, one week away from the end of the dreaded first trimester. I can't say that we have only 5 more weeks until we can know if our baby is a boy or girl. I don't even know what fruit my baby would be the size of this week.

It was a Tuesday that I had my first spot of red blood, and perhaps was the day that my baby died.

It was last Tuesday at this time in the morning that we saw not a squirming, kicking baby, but an empty sac.

I hate Tuesdays.

So, Lord, I need you to redeem Tuesdays. I'm going to start my healing today by telling you all that I named our baby Max Samuel, Max because that is the name that I heard last Saturday when I fell down the stairs and I worried that my baby might have died, and Samuel, "Because I asked the LORD for him." (I Samuel 1:20) May I cry out to God like Hannah, who did not become bitter, but gave her first born son to the Lord, even after many years of a closed womb. She is my new hero. How she did that, I will never understand.

I love you, my Max.

I forgot to tell my sweet husband "happy one and a half year anniversary" yesterday. I miss him so much (he's out of town for an interview, currently).

Jonny, I love you. You are everything that is good about life. I'm so thankful that you are there to make me laugh, and that you hardly ever make me cry. Losing a baby stinks, but I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else by my side. I love you forever and ever, my darling.

This is a great post by Mandie Lane, who had two miscarriages before going on to have a beautiful baby boy: http://mandiefrazier.blogspot.com/2007/10/things-not-to-say-to-me.html

1 comment:

Melanie said...

Abbie... Im holding you up in prayer today!

These are some verses that have been brought forth to me in my devotion time:

2 Corinthians 4:8-18
Psalm 30:5

I hope that the Lord will bring you peace and strength to deal with what you are going thru and as hard as it may seem you are NOT ALONE! I felt as if I was alone but girl there are so many of us that are going thru this painful time in our lives!

Look up to the Lord for He loves us and wants us to be joyful as we endure life's trials.