Prayers Needed

Please pray for my dear friend, Kiley, who found out yesterday that her baby, Levi, passed away in her womb. She lost a daughter, Avery, in February, so this is a compounded loss, so soon after the first.

Thanks,

I don't WANT to envy...

...but some days I just want to SCREAM. Mostly at God. (Yeah, how awful is that?)

Can you tell that I'm having a problem with bitter envy today?

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
Proverbs 14:30

"For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.'"
Mark 7:21-23

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
-I Corinthians 13:4

"But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice."
James 3:14-16

Prayer request

I have a very specific prayer request for the next week: please pray that the Clomid does not block the estrogen receptors in my uterus.

(If you're interested in the medical facts: Clomid's job is to block the estrogen receptors in the brain, which it is doing, but it is also blocking them in my uterus, which prevents my endometrium (lining) from getting thick enough to support a pregnancy and also prevents me from having fertile quality cervical mucus. This is why we will have to switch from this medicine to a much more expensive, injectable medicine the next cycle we try.... so we'd rather this cycle work!)

I will be taking extra estrogen after I finish the Clomid to hopefully counteract this, but it may not help if the Clomid is blocking the receptors!

My praise is that I have not had a single headache from the Clomid this cycle!!! That is amazing. :) :) :)

No surgery date yet

I had a semi-useless consult this morning. My MRI results from yesterday were not ready yet, and Dr. Blanchard wanted to see them before deciding if she wants to go forward with the surgery or not. I guess she wants to weigh the possibility of scarring vs. how much of a problem she thinks my septum is (because of its small size). So, nothing yet, folks. I'm supposed to get a call either later this week or maybe next Monday or Tuesday.

There will be a pretty small window of opportunity for this surgery to be done next month, especially since we are travelling on the 24th - by my count, it could be done the 17, 18, 21 or 22, preferably earlier rather than later because of the travel. I'm thinking, though, it may be put off until January... If you want to, you could pray for a perfect spot to open up in her calendar - in my eyes, the sooner the better, since we have to wait several months after the surgery to start trying again!

MRI Rescheduled

I started reading a "romance" book by Nora Roberts last night, but realized about 20 minutes into it that it had a serial killer and lots of violence! Because of my awful imagination and the fact that it keeps me up at night for those kind of things, I decided to just keep reading and finish the book (I'm a super fast reader), which I did around 3 am. As I thought, justice would be served by the end of the book, and my brain didn't need to play over the scenes when I should have been sleeping.

In any case, I got up at 8 am this morning to call my doctor's office about the MRI appointment. They couldn't see anything in their system, so they had me call radiology, who said it had, in fact, been cancelled. However, they still had the appointment open, so I'm rebooked and going in at 12:30 for registration before the 1 o'clock appointment. I'm not supposed to eat for four hours before the procedure, so I actually need to run and eat right now - only 24 minutes left! :-P

Thanks for your prayers - everything is working out so far!

Last minute MRI

It turns out that somebody at my new doctor's office scheduled me for an MRI tomorrow at 1 pm, but never bothered to call me. Lovely. So I got a call from the Radiology department (I think) this evening, reminding me of my appointment, but since I had no idea about the appointment and told her I had a subbing job for tomorrow already, the woman told me to call and work things out with my doctor's office.

After I got off the phone, I decided just to cancel my sub job and make this appointment tomorrow, but now I'm worried that the woman I spoke with may have cancelled my appointment! Would you all pray that I can still get in tomorrow? I guess Dr. Blanchard (my new doctor) wants this done before our appointment on Wednesday, and I think not having the MRI might mean we would have to put off the appointment, which means putting off the surgery, which means putting off getting pregnant again!

I'm going to call my doctor's office first thing in the morning (they were closed when I got off the phone with the radiology person). Please pray that all will go forward!

I need to be NOT pregnant right now.

Calling all prayer warriors! I need major prayer over the next few days that I am not pregnant.

Why, might you ask? Because it turns out that I do have a uterine septum and that it will need to be removed. My not-so-sure-that-your-two-miscarriages-weren't-just-awful-luck doctor turned into a Houston-we-have-a-problem-but-thankfully-we-can-fix-it doctor today. A normal uterine lining is 12 mm and mine was 20 at the fundus - which makes a septum, I am told. Searching google has told me that with a septum my miscarriage rate is around 80%, and with a hysteropic resection it drops to 17% (under the general population rate of about 20%) - WOW, I will take that second number.

Boy, am I glad that I saw that stupid septum when the other doctor didn't.

Two months ago, both my Ob/Gyn and the doctor who performed the sonohystogram swore up and down that my two babies' lack of development was 95% likely due to genetic problems. But today, I was told that it probably was implantation on the septum that caused the problem. (You see, there isn't good endometrium on the septum to give a growing baby the necessary blood flow.) And they just let me sit around for two months believing that I just had really awful luck!

Luckily, the procedure for removing this is a cinch, and doesn't even necessarily require cutting anything (other than the septum itself, of course), unless they want to perform a laproscopy and use a camera and light for better accuracy (so they don't go too thin). The biggest risk is cutting too far into my uterine wall, which would require me to have a c-section later, rather than being able to vaginally give birth.

In other news, my hormone levels were all perfect, and there were no signs of any of the autoimmune disorders that she checked for.

But here comes the prayer part: my period is due on Thursday (or maybe Saturday, my ovulation day was semi-ambiguous) and because the doctor at the sonohystogram appeared to think my uterus normal, we TRIED to get pregnant this month (and last month, but thankfully that didn't work out, since I had the swine flu when I got my period). Please pray that God in his infinite wisdom knew better than us foolish people and did not allow this! Or if that's not the case, that the baby would implant in a good location and be in that 20% chance of making it to a live birth.

Most importantly, I am glad this means that my Max and Olivia had a purpose - they are saving my other children's lives. Thank you, my sweet babies!

Out like a lamb

Today is the last day of March - WOW. I cannot believe how fast time flies now that I am post-college and in the working world. Get ready for a new look tomorrow! I'm really excited for it. There is faaaar less pink (along the lines of NONE), which is awesome cause I am a bit sick of pink for now!

Keep praying for Stellan. They have begun to stop his heart for longer periods in the hopes that it will return to normal sinus rhythm. It has worked so far (although it's not quite in NSR), but this is a semi-drastic measure that they can't keep up for too long.

Updated to include a picture of the April look:

Peace like a river

Wow, busy morning at work today, but I'm done now and the office is really empty and quiet. It's amazing how peaceful work can be when no one is around. :)

I'm in a great mood today and I'm hoping that it sticks around all weekend. I've been fairly irritable with my husband this past week and I don't want him to keep having to put up with my snappy ways!

Stellan is doing amazing for being in SVT this long. They are looking to try to put in a central IV line through his neck to send his medications right to his heart, since his limbs aren't getting very good circulation right now. But because he doesn't have an IV in currently, they are going to have to keep him under by injecting him in the foot throughout the procedure. Pray for this surgery to go well, so that he can get his medications more quickly and without interruption. And pray that they will find a combo of meds that will get his heart out of SVT!

Stellan update

UPDATE: Stellan just had an episode of prolonged V-tach, which is extremely dangerous. He came out of it and is now having some heart block. His IV popped out and they're currently trying to figure out if they should put in a central line (small surgery) or try for a new line.

Keep praying for Stellan. He is still in SVT, and they are having to back off of the beta blockers now as they are not working. They are trying Flecainide right now, the drug he was on in the womb, and a steroid for his lungs.
Late Night Tidbits
outwardly calm

You can get a copy of the Praying for Stellan button from the "Late Night Tidbits" post above.

Pray for Stellan! (No Not Me! Monday today.)

Pray for Stellan today. He is the baby of MckMama (Jennifer) who had a racing heart in her womb and he survived miraculously without a trace of a problem. They brought him to the hospital last night for some breathing treatments and the nebulizer threw his heart back into Supra Ventricular Tachycardia (a very racing heart). They are struggling to slow his heart (it is around 300 beats per minute right now, which is extremely dangerous) and are currently trying to use medicine to stop his heart in hopes that it will start back again in a normal rhythm. You can find more details on MckMama's post here:
Stellan is in the hospital with SVT

UPDATE:
Using Adenosine to stop Stellan's heart (in hope that it will restart itself normally) is not working. They have him on beta blockers right now and are hopeful those will help, but are going to have to put him on a ventilator soon if things do not calm down.
9:40 am update

UPDATE #2:
Stellan has been in and out of a normal sinus rhythm since yesterday afternoon and the doctors are having a rough time getting an IV in. Right now we are praying for the IV (they need a spot that will not occlude too quickly) and for Stellan's heart to be in a normal rhythm for 12 hours.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." II Corinthians 4:17

UPDATE #3:
I would just like to say that Jennifer is doing much better than I would be, considering the circumstances. Praise God for His presence that is calming her and allowing her to get through this without going insane. The latest updates are on Twitter. You can follow MckMama here. But her amazing post this morning is:
To Him be the Glory

Another lost baby

Please, everyone, pray for a blogging friend of mine, Mimi, who just lost her baby, Mason, at 4 1/2 months pregnant. She needs to feel God holding her right now.

Why is there so much heartbreak in this world? Thank the Lord that this is not our home. Not our final destination.

Asking for prayer

My sister-in-law's best friend Jennifer just died suddenly this morning. Please pray for my sister-in-law, and her friend Jennifer's parents, siblings, relatives, and friends that they would have the peace that passes all understanding. Thanks.