What IF?

April 24-May 1 is National Infertility Awareness Week. As a 25 year old IF patient who may not have many years left with my own fertility, I wanted to share about my infertility journey and to connect you all to others who are going through similar circumstances.

What IF every state passed a law that would require insurance companies to cover fertility treatments and A.R.T. so that people like me and my husband wouldn’t have to choose between their mortgage or having a family?

My husband and I have had a multitude of conversations about having children. They started out simple (are we ready to have kids? yep.) and have become increasingly complicated (is he willing to consider having children that are not biologically related to either me or both of us? not yet.). Let me share some background for those of you who may not have read my story before.

I was married at age 22, and pregnant at age 23 1/2 after only two months of trying. Before I started trying to conceive there was always a nagging thought of, what IF there is something wrong with one of us? It was a tremendous relief to get pregnant so quickly.

But as quickly as it started, it ended. I was diagnosed at 12 weeks with a blighted ovum (a pregnancy where, most likely due to genetic reasons, a fetus does not form, only a sac is present). I was stunned. I had to medicinally abort my baby. Everyone told me, "you're young! You will have another one in no time at all."

And they were right. I got pregnant three months after losing my first and was elated... for three days, until the fever and bleeding at 4 weeks pregnant meant that all was not right. They followed my HCG closely and we were able to see our baby three times with a beating heart, although she was measuring smaller than I thought she should be. We saw her alive and measuring 9 weeks and they told us all would be well. And then I lost her three days later.

I refused to go through another miscarriage without testing. The Ob/Gyns who I saw all sounded a bit ticked that a 25 year old with ONLY two miscarriages would bother having all of this testing done, but I was convinced there was something wrong.

Thankfully, I didn't listen to those Ob/Gyns and eventually found my way to an RE who diagnosed me with poor ovarian reserve, a heterozygous compound MTHFR mutation and a septate uterus. Strikes 1, 2 and 3. Thankfully this isn't baseball, and I'm not out yet.

As of May 17, it will have been one year since I was last pregnant. Thankfully we did not waste that year trying solely on our own before seeking help; we have already tried Clomid for three cycles (let's just say that Clomid and my uterus didn't get along) and are now moving onto Injectibles (daily injections of HCG) to improve the quality of my eggs (without IUI or IVF, since my "piping" obviously works).

And now I get to my what IF. My husband and I have always tried to be fiscally responsible. We currently owe nothing to anyone and are planning on keeping it that way (except possibly a house one day). Our insurance, the best we could find from the government, covers exactly zero dollars for any infertility medication and zero dollars for even doctor's appointments, if they are related to a treatment cycle (which thankfully does not include "timed intercourse cycles," which is what we are currently doing). Although we are racing against a clock that no one can see, we will hold off on IUI or IVF (probably our best chances of conceiving) until we have exhausted the other options and until it is possibly too late.

Can you imagine what it would be like to never be able to conceive a baby of your own? Can you put a number on how much you would be willing to spend to be a parent? Infertility is a disease. Perhaps not a life threatening one, but it certainly affects your entire life. People get health care coverage for diseases that they gave to themselves (i.e. lung cancer from smoking, heart disease from eating poorly and not exercising). Why shouldn't infertility that we didn't give to ourselves be covered? Should we have to choose between fiscal responsibility or never being parents?

What IF you, yes, even those of you who get pregnant from one round of unprotected sex, wrote a letter to your senator asking them to pass a law to require insurance companies to cover fertility treatments? What IF they listened?

Please visit these links for more information on infertility:
RESOLVE: What is Infertility?
RESOLVE: National Infertility Awareness Week
Bloggers Unite: Project IF (Part 1)
Bloggers Unite: Project IF (Part 2)

Why God Created Women

I love my husband, but sometimes it is painfully obvious why God created women.

Got into San Jose last night safely and proceeded to have the following conversation with my hubby on the phone:
Jonathan: Where are you? Terminal A or C?
Me: Terminal C. I just walked outside. Are you at Terminal C?
Jonathan: Yeah, turn left, I'm at the far end.
Me: Okay, coming, but it might be a few minutes, because that's the other end of the terminal. (Pause for a few minutes, finally get down to the other end.) Ummm... where are you?
Jonathan: I'm at the end of the terminal. Are you sure you're at Terminal C?
Me: Yes, I see several signs that say Terminal C.
Jonathan: Okay, try the other end. I'm near Door 5.
Me: Oh, I'm at Door 1. (Walk all the way back to the other end of terminal.) Uhhh, there's no Door 5.
Jonathan: Yes, I'm parked by it.
Me: Well, the sidewalk ends and I'm at Door 3. There is construction and I can't go past it.
Jonathan: Wait, what terminal are you at?
Me: Terminal C.
Jonathan: Oooh. (Pause) I'm at Terminal A.
Me: (Sigh.)

Sunshine Blog Award!

I'd like to thank the academy... which I suppose is Bethany from Confessions of a Chosen One. You should all check out her blog for another inspiring, positive blog from a neat Christian gal.

This award is given to blogs that inspire others, and show positivity and creativity. I think my husband would laugh if he heard that because I can be such a pessimist at times!

Some suggestions for the award:
1) Put the logo within your blog or on your post
2) Pass the award onto 10 fellow bloggers
3) Link the nominees within your post
4) Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog
5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

My nominees:
1. Mimi at Mochamama
2. Charity at Considering It All Joy
3. Ali at The Feldman Family
4. Laura at Blessed

Guys, I won't be offended if you don't do this! I just wanted to let you all know that I find you positive and inspiring. :) I'm sure that there are people I'm forgetting here, but I have things to do and places to be, so gotta run!

What I am learning from counseling

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6

"He who is carrying it on is not one who can be baffled and forced to give up his design. He is able to carry it out in the unlikeliest circumstances and against the most resolute resistance. Everything must give way before Him. This thought is, I confess, to me one of the most comforting connected with the discipline. If it could fail! If God could be frustrated in His designs after we have suffered so much, it would be awful!" -Horatius Bonar

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you... He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna... to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." -Deuteronomy 8:2-3

I don't think I can say it any better than these verses have said it. Thank you, Laura, for walking through this time with me!

New spring look!

I realized that I NEVER update my blog look any more, so I'm going to switch to a new look for every season instead of every month... :)

Ode to Spring and the Green, Green Trees:

God has not promised me a child!

But he has promised so much more...

*peace - "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27; "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus..." Philippians 4:7
*good - "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
*joy - "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalm 126:5
*endurance - "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4; "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." I Corinthians 10:13
*redemption! forgiveness! - "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us." Ephesians 1:7 "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
*perseverance in my faith - "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Just as it is written, "FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED." But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-39
*a better future - "And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." Revelation 21:3-4