Why is Sophie so tired?

Why is Sophie so tired?

Maybe it has something to do with this.

Or this.

Or this.

I know - it must be because she's been packing all day!

No wait, that was me.

P.S. Yes, we're moving in one week to Maryland. Anyone live in the Free State* that wants to be my friend?
P.P.S. I'm not joking about the friend thing. I don't know anyone in Maryland!

*As in, should secede from the Union rather than prohibit the sale of liquor during the Prohibition.

Random. Thoughts. On. A. Friday.

- Training. Hungry. Never 5 seconds to eat or relax. Silly working hard guy... Leave me alone!
- Wow, this is post number 170 - I guess I'll have to figure out soon what to do for number 200.
- Moving in t-minus eight days. So excited, but so sad at the same time.
- We picked out our diploma frames yesterday and are planning to hang them on the wall where they will be the most conspicuous. Why, yes, we went to MIT. BOW TO US NOW. Oh, you don't know what MIT is? Oh well.
- June 1 is Monday - new blog look then. Not so bright; not too depressing. I hope.
- By the way, I know I said I wouldn't mention this again, but I want closest to 10000 that's over 10000, 9999 doesn't count! (Sad, but true.) Don't forget or I will be very sad. This will be me ---> :(

Almost "not pregnant"

Wow, I'm really almost not pregnant any more. My hCG level is down to 48, 9 days after miscarriage. That's even lower than my first level, on March 31. Just pray that I don't get stuck in that land of "almost not pregnant" that I've seen some women stuck in for weeks. I'm ready for my body to move on.

It's weird, I can really, really feel the difference in hormone levels from last week to today. Even when I cry, it's not a crying of hopelessness and despair, but just an "I'm grieving" cry.

36 weeks, 12 weeks

Max would have been 36 weeks today - can you even believe it? His due date is coming up quickly here. I wonder if the size of my stomach would have blown my mind away. I wonder if he would have been long and lean like his daddy or small like his mommy. I wonder what it would be like to be unbelievable uncomfortable right now, with little feet pushing into my ribs.

Olivia would have been 12 weeks yesterday, according to my original due date - I can't believe it's only been 8 weeks since I found out about her, it seems like a lifetime. I can't believe my first trimester would have been just about over now. I wish I could get to see her one more time.

I also wonder - when Olivia's due date in December comes around, will I be mourning or rejoicing?

Not much here.

I want my baby back. Is that so much to ask? Why did God take her away from me? I'm her mommy, I'm supposed to take care of her and now she's so far away. I want to be with my baby. Please.

I'm still losing pieces of her sac. Do you really need to rub this in my face, God? I know that she's dead. I KNOW ALREADY.

And the bad news...

I knew something had to go wrong, because that's how my life goes... There was no fetal tissue, just as I had suspected. Everything I got was "from the maternal side" (don't ask me what that means), so I must have missed the baby (as I was pretty sure I had, since I couldn't find anything that looked like a baby in what I gave them). *Insert long string of curse words here, although I won't subject you to reading them.*

Contest: one for me, one for you

Okay, this is too good to pass up: I actually won a contest today on Profoundly Seth, a blog that I read (in case you're wondering, the prize was a $10 Target gift card). I love the irony... Hey, Fate, that does not make up for losing my baby!

But here's a contest for you all: if you are the 10,000th hit on my blog, or the closest to it (with picture proof!) I will send you a prize. We're around 9000 right now and I'm not going to remind you, so we'll see who's paying the most attention.