Recommendation: Knocked Up, Knocked Down

An amazing post today, from a writer at Exhale (but on her blog, not in Exhale): http://knockedupknockeddown.blogspot.com/2009/07/when-plans-are-screwed.html

my rough day

I had a ROUGH day yesterday!

As background, my parents gave us their old van, and we have to get it changed over to Maryland registration/titling/etc. Yesterday I went to have it inspected, which I figured would end up being an easy peasy thing because it had just passed inspection in West Virginia two months ago... So you can imagine my dismay when the Toyota service man came back to me with a minor problem (rusty battery terminals) and a major problem (replacing the left front inner tie rod, which made us also need an alignment)... It came out to $600 worth of "fixing" our car for the state inspection, instead of the $75 that I had been prepared to spend on getting it inspected! Yikes! I freaked out because we do NOT have that much extra money lying around in our bank account, and I started having a heart attack trying to figure out how to pay it. (I guess it's a good sign that my credit card doesn't quickly come to my mind as a solution.) Thank goodness they at least had all of the parts in stock so that it could be fixed that afternoon.

Because the car was going to be several more hours to be fixed, they offered me a free rental car, which I suppose was a bit of a consolation considering how much money they were stealing from me... I decided to go ahead and get my grocery shopping done, since I had been planning to do that after the inspection, and then just hang out at my house until they called me to tell me the van was ready. I drove 30 minutes north to go to the Sam's Club near our house, and when I had my groceries, headed 5 minutes back to our apartment.... at which I discovered that I didn't have my house keys. (I had about $30 worth of refrigerated food, since this is Sam's Club we're talking about.) Since I don't know any of my neighbors and don't have any friends in the state of Maryland, and since my husband works at a place in which he can't bring in his cell phone during the day, I couldn't leave the groceries with anyone! The only solution I could think of was to drive down to the Toyota dealership, pray that the van was ready, and, if so, swap the groceries into it and come back. But it wasn't ready when I got there and still had another hour to go... So I had them bring me my house key, at which point I drove 30 minutes back to my house, dropped off the groceries, jumped back in the rental for a 30 minute drive back down to the dealer. My van was finally ready, so I got in that and headed back home (again, 30 minutes).

I drove a total of 3 hours yesterday. I could have been almost back in WV by then! All I could think of as I was driving here and there was that the perfect end to the day would be either 1) crashing the rental car into something or 2) getting a speeding ticket (I was going about 10 over on my third trip down seeing as how ticked off I was!). Thank the Lord that neither happened...

Blah

They say your cycles change after a pregnancy (whether ending in birth or miscarriage). Sadly, I think my days of 24-27 day cycles are OVER. I am currently on day 33. Last month was 35 days. Way too long for an impatient person like myself. Sadly, I don't know where I am in the two week wait because I no longer temp! My, oh my.

Sorry for the self-loathing that snuck into my post yesterday. That's about where I spend most of my days, so it was pretty real, but I shouldn't take it out on other people. I'm sure that's not what they're thinking when I explain what I'm doing or not doing right now. It's only what I'm thinking.

Home

I am home this week, well, at my parents' home in Wheeling, WV. All of the kids are finally back together, and minus my hubby it almost feels like zooming back six years in the past to when I actually still lived here... Except I have a cool, grownup 15 year old sister now. And I own a car. :-D

My cousins from Louisiana came up for my grandma's 85th birthday, which is why I came back. Jonathan couldn't come because he doesn't have time off from work yet, although I think everyone is thinking we must be hitting a rough spot in our marriage, because they keep asking where he is with a slightly accusatory look. Yeah, thanks for your confidence, peeps.

On that note, I think the title of Jon & Kate Plus Eight should be edited to include a big red slash through Jon's name. What a jerk.

Gotta love the other question I get from everyone: so what are you doing now? See, that question is so loaded when it's coming to me. I was the one who left West Virginia to go to MIT! The genius child! I should be a doctor or a rocket scientist or at least a plain old chemist (who's on the way to curing cancer). But I am a NOBODY, and no one pauses to consider the fact that I was expecting to be a MOM right now, not sitting on my butt being a NOBODY for three months. And after this summer, I'm going to be a lousy substitute teacher. I mean, who wants to brag about their neice who went to MIT and became a substitute teacher? Kind of a flat ending.

Church news

You'll have to forgive my silence... I just don't have much to say from day to day! Not much changes daily in my life right now. :)

In good news, I think we may have found a church that we are both okay with. I think it will mean us going to two services each Sunday (one traditional and one contemporary) on top of a Sunday school class before the first service, all of which is annoying and time consuming, especially as two are in the morning and one is in the evening, but that is probably the best solution we are going to have for Jonathan and me anyway. We are just two different people when it comes to how we worship. I say we're okay with it because we weren't in love with the senior pastor (there wasn't much meat to his sermon), but we're going to give him another chance and see if that was just a fluke. The pastor who spoke at the contemporary service was much better, in my opinion. Anywho, it was encouraging to finally see some people our age at a church... The churches we've visited in the weeks prior looked like 40+ clubs, with one heavy on the 60+ side...

Church last night was refreshing, for once. I felt like I actually connected with God and we had some encouraging time together, which is not happening very frequently for me right now... I'm sure because of where my heart is most of the time. And believe me, folks, I know in my head how wrong what I am feeling is, but that doesn't change that I am feeling it! Only God can help me do that.

I'm off to do some more cleaning - my house is such a mess after the weekend and I need to get on top of it! I get stressed out when I am in a gross environment.

Honest Scrap award

Okay, I am just now getting around to this, but Brooke from Hopes, Dreams, and the in between gave me an Honest Scrap award last week. It's my first blog award so I was pretty excited. :)

Here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find interesting and engaging.
2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award."
3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

My honest scrap:
1. I'm pretty upset with God for allowing two of my babies to die, and sometimes I try to bargain with him for our next one.
2. I never want to go back to work and I'm mad that I'm not a stay at home mom right now, with something to do, something to contribute to the family.
3. I get upset that more people don't know about my miscarriages, but then I don't want them to know either. I can't decide if I want to be understood and pitied or just treated normally.
4. I'm scared to death that I will never have a living child, of my own flesh and blood or otherwise, that even if we tried to adopt that it would always go wrong.
5. I'm afraid that we will never find a church that works for both Jonathan and me. We are such opposites in church and worship styles.
6. I have no clue where I would be without Jonathan. He is the light of my life. Sometimes I think that he will be taken away from me because I love him too much.
7. I am afraid to post this because I know that most of this is theologically unsound and probably heretical, so please don't e-mail me about how wrong I am. I'm just sharing what I honestly feel right now. God already knows, so why shouldn't you?
8. I hate showering, especially when I'm just staying home all day anyway. I see no point to it!
9. I spent my entire day yesterday on Lord of the Rings Online (an MMORPG). Way to use that college degree, Abbie.
10. I feel huge amounts of mommy guilt that I am not grieving for Olivia the way that I grieved for Max. I think I am constantly pushing it out of my mind so that I don't just collapse into a puddle on the floor.

Honest enough for you?

Now it's your turn:
Shaina
Christina
Greta
Charity from Charity Begins at Home
Charity from Considering It All Joy
Mimi
Rachel

July look and Independence Day

New blog look up! Even though the 4th has already passed, I'm still feeling mighty patriotic, especially living near DC and all.

Like it?

You guys have been visiting me while I've been gone! We're already past 12,000 hits! In sad news, I know a lot of those visitors have been mommies who have lost their babies recently and have needed to take cytotec for a medically-induced miscarriage. I have been reading all of your comments and praying for you girls. I feel your pain (physically and emotionally) and I wish that you did not have to go through this. But better to go through it together, right?

Our Independence Day was well spent, our first time in Washington, D.C. We went in to the city to visit a friend who was in Northern Virginia for a few days, and I'm so glad we did! When we got there, there was a huge parade on the mall. The first part had tons of military walking by us, and it felt like a victory parade. Everyone in the crowd cheered for these brave men and women.



We have more pictures of the parade, but I won't bore you with them. This is my favorite group from the parade, the Chinese Americans. The fans are just priceless. :)



Waiting for Sarah and her entourage near the National Art Gallery. What amazes me about this picture is that I am actually walking toward the camera here, although I look like I am posing.



This is Thor, the god of thunder, posing with the Washington monument. Actually, he's a toy from a McDonald's happy meal from 2003 (don't tell him I told you that; he gets a little touchy about the subject). Does anyone know what movie/tv show he is actually from? We have no clue and would love to find out! There's a prize in it for anyone who delivers the right answer with picture proof. :)



Me and my friend Sarah! All of the randomness in the background of this picture upsets my artistic sensibilities, but oh well.



And finally, I am so jealous of this picture, but I must admit that my husband took it, especially since the fact that I am in it gives that away. :) Fireworks on the Ellipse.

We haz teh interwebs! Nao i can haz cheezburger?

Hello friends!

I am back on the world wide web - finally! It's been a rough four weeks, but Verizon Fios was worth the wait and I am loving the speed. Reminiscent of MIT. :)

I will definitely have more to say about life in the next few days, I'm sure, but I have tons to do online right now...

Here are some pictures of our new car to tide you over:


Her name is Carly Corolla. :)