Help me decide please! If you click on the picture, it should zoom to full screen so you can get a better idea.
Sorry for the lack of post yesterday (and today, really). I have been busy at work and tired at home the last few days. I napped most of last night away (you know, besides the dishes and making Sloppy Joe's). Tonight we have to be out and about, and I predict falling asleep immediately upon returning.
I'm holding my breath right now. Not really feeling anything, just waiting. Always waiting.
I'm going to post the new header sometime this weekend. Look out for it!
Update: Because you folks are so good to me, and because I am in major need of a prize for all of the work I have done today, I posted the new header! Don't worry, I'm figuring out the color scheme for links and titles and such right now. That'll be coming soon.
Update #2: Hmmm, this is too much purple for me. Bear with me while I figure out what I really want here. Maybe you shouldn't come see the change until Monday!
I’ve been challenged to participate in a blog jubilee. Against my better judgment, I have been told to brag about something good, positive, uplifting, or kind that I did this past week. It’s not easy to boast about my thoughtfulness, but in return I will be allowed to build up and encourage other women! Feel free to visit Amanda at iammommy.typepad.com to join in the jubilee!
On Sunday morning, I woke up much earlier than I would have liked to, to do what I do every Sunday morning: teach a rowdy, energetic bunch of three year olds about God! I kept my cool with all of the children, even one in particular who drives me batty, and I was as silly as possible at 9 am. I'm pretty proud of that. :)
What good, positive, uplifting or kind thing did YOU do this past week?
Anyone else considering going on the MckCruise? Wouldn't it be fun to meet each other?!? Just throwing it out there...
Also, real life friends - if you want an excuse to go on a cruise in the Caribbean in January 2010 (sailing from TX), you should come, too! Jonathan and I are going to at least strongly consider it, and we'll see when we look at the prices what we decide.
Hmm, well, I had planned a post for today, but I had so much work that I never got around to it. Sorry! Maybe I'll try to tackle it on Monday.
Hope you all have a good weekend. My plan for tomorrow is to RELAX. Ahhh, how nice that is going to be. :)
Sorry to be gone all weekend. I never really write on days off, and I was home sick yesterday, so I haven't been on since Friday.
Yay for 2000 hits today.
MckMama's post today is particularly touching. Go on over and read it, especially if you are a mommy with a baby in heaven.
I don't know if I have anything to say today. Tomorrow's my birthday... but also the two month anniversary of Max leaving me. Bittersweet.
Sorry, now I'm crying and I need to go. I miss you, sweet baby boy.
I've been struggling a lot recently with my purpose. I've always known that I was going to be a mommy when I grew up - that has always been my dream (although there was a time period where I wanted to also be an astronaut). Currently, I am working to support my husband and myself while he is finishing his Master's degree, which occupies most of my time. The problem with my job (although I love what I do) is that I have barely enough work to keep me busy for two hours a day. That means the other six hours I sit and stare at my computer monitor - thus the blogging during work, reading tons and tons of blogs, always being up on the latest news, etc. I have asked for more work, but there's really not anything to give me, and when they do give me projects, they never last for more then an hour or two.
So, when I get home from work, I've usually already been bored for most of the day, sitting at a computer, spacing out. I cook dinner, clean up after dinner, and then.... nothing. My husband has his homework or thesis to work on, and I really don't have anything to do. I do enjoy reading, I like video games, I'll watch TV, but there are nights (like last night) where I just want to sleep my boredom away (which my husband does NOT let me do). I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice to have time to relax, but all of the things I do at night are completely pointless. I feel like I'm wandering around in circles, with no meaning.
My husband told me that I need to find myself something that gives me purpose, and well, duh, I want to do that, but I just don't know what to do. Everything that I can do to pass the time is just that... passing the time. Isn't that a waste of life? I feel like my current life is just me ticking down the days until I can start my "new life" as a mom.
And in four months I am going to be JOB FREE in a new place with no friends, no car during the work hours and no public transportation, which means sitting at home all. day. long. What in the world am I going to do then?!? (I mean, unpacking can only take so long, and decorating your apartment costs money. :-P)
I don't mean for you all to try to come up with things for me to do. I guess I just want to know if other people have dealt with this before.
Bwahahaha, I've finished my March header! I'm excited for it. I really, really like it. :) I think you guys will be pretty impressed with the leaps my Photoshop skills have taken.
Too bad you have to wait two more weeks to see it!
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Are you people sick of me yet? I feel like I need to keep a count down going on here, or I'm going to forget what week it is... I'm now in the stage where I didn't have appointments scheduled for this time, I don't have the weeks memorized already from counting ahead... I'm almost in a panic because I feel like I'm not taking care of my baby. I think this is mommy guilt, miscarriage-style.
I can't believe that it's been 9 weeks already! Time flies so fast. Saturday, my birthday, is the two-month anniversary of his sac passing (his birthday?).
Speaking of which, recognizing dates with a miscarriage is hard... I don't know when Max died. I only know when I found out he was dead, when I took the cytotec to miscarry him, and when his sac actually passed. How do you count that? Which one matters the most? Can I say his "birthday" was December 14, when he came out of me? Is it weird for me to say he "died" on December 9, when we found out he was dead? It was such a pivotal week for me. Every day brought a new struggle, a new part of my life. And now trying to give him one "date" to celebrate him on is reducing his importance. For people that die after they are born, they get a series of dates that mark their life - a birthday and a death day. But what about people who die before they are born? How do you mark those important days? How do you count their life?
Okay, I need to stop this. I have tears pouring out of my eyes right now and I am at work. I can't think about this. I'm sorry, Max. Your mommy has to forget about you for now.
Most of my readers don't have children, but just in case, here's a great giveaway for a Meeup carrier - entry is free! Go visit 4 Little Men and enter!
I did not cry at work several times last week. And since I wasn't crying, I obviously did not pretend to have a cold to cover up said crying. I certainly did not consider asking to go home under the ruse that I wasn't feeling very well.
I am not dismayed that I am not pregnant, even though we were officially not trying last month. I would never let my hopes up in response to mere temperatures. Not me! And, of course, I did not threaten my husband that if he did not get me pregnant this month, he would be in huge trouble. Because I love my husband, and threatening him wouldn't be very kind.
And I did not follow up last week's crying and crying harder theme with a fun, relaxing weekend. I did not enjoy going to Applebee's with my cousin, Amy, and her husband and daughter, or the enormous piece of fudge cake from Cheesecake Factory that followed. Not me!
I'm missing my Max so much today. I'm not sure what the trigger was - maybe reading about lots of babies on blogs. Also, MckMama had a sweet post about loving being a mom and I think that kinda pushed me over the edge. Crying at work is always fun. Luckily, my desk faces away from everyone else, so as long as no one comes up to me, I'm okay. Except for the whole heart breaking over and over thing. How do I keep going when I hurt so much?
Temp went down today, thus AF is on her way. See, that's one reason I like to temp - I knew not to hope any more as of 5:30 this morning. (Plus, now I can take Advil for these awful cramps.) Oh well. At least she should be over for my birthday next Saturday - that's good news at least!
I want my baby back. I already did this patiently waiting to get pregnant thing. I shouldn't have to go through this again so soon. Why don't I have my little Max?
Update at 4:25 pm: And she's here. What is up with my 24 day cycle? Am I lucky (in that we can try to get pregnant more often) or unlucky (in that I have farrrr more days of AF than most women, considering mine last 5-6 days and I get her about every 3.5 weeks)?
I hab a bad cowd (translation: I have a bad cold). Sneezing, sniffly, sore throat - the whole shebang. It's sad to wake up sick. :(
I have decided that I think too much about things. In fact, I woke up at 4:30, 5:15, 5:45, and 6:30 this morning because my brain wouldn't turn off! I don't know what to do. It's not like I was sitting there making myself worry - I was too tired to be doing that. But I just kept waking up and finding my mind thinking about every possibility that could occur when I temped this morning - high? low? falsely high because I'm not sleeping? high, but not falsely, but I think it's falsely because I'm not sleeping? Sigh.
What do I do? Should I stop temping? (I'm such a scientist, and I love collecting these data points that I can use to predict the future. I'm not sure how I would deal without temping!)
20 weeks down, 20 more to go. Sadly, there won't be a sweet, cuddly baby at the end of those 20 weeks. I wish I could just sleep through Tuesdays!
On the off chance that I am pregnant, I decided to remove my link to my cycle chart. I have some IRL (in real life) friends who read this blog every day, and I want to be able to tell them IN PERSON if I am pregnant again, before they find out on the internet. Plus, I think my parents might be (rightly) a wee bit mad if they knew that the internet found out before they did. :-P
With our next baby (whenever he/she may be conceived), we may choose to hold off on telling people until somewhere between 6-8 weeks, so if you don't hear about AF from me, please keep your guessing to yourself! Don't ask me so that I don't have to lie to you!!!
